Charm swap

I had self-imposed deadline for myself to get my charms for a swap I’m hosting completed this week. I have been working on them off and on for a while. I’m happy to say that I’m done! Here’s a picture of a some of them. The soldering was actually the easiest part. I made 25 for the swap and an extra 25 for trades at Hampton Art & Soul.

PMC class

I attended Sherri Haab’s PMC class today. It was great. I learned a new transfer technique. The transfer solution is very interesting stuff. It can be used on many different surfaces, including mixing it with pigment and using it as a paint on the silver. Here are a couple pictures of the work I did today. Keep in mind these are not perfect… I was most interested in learning the transfer piece than anything.

Artifacts

The other day and came across some old stitchery projects I made a long time ago. I used to do a lot of babysitting when I was in high school. There wasn’t much on after Saturday Night Live and Second City TV and I got bored so I used to bring these projects with me for something to do after the kids went to bed.

I liked crewel embroidery (using yarn instead of floss) and counted cross stitch (done on aida cloth) better than plain embroidery. I also liked the kits with lots of different stitches… my favorite were the little French knots. Here are pictures of two of them that I completed at least 25 years ago.

Aren’t these things great?!

Values

Lately, I’ve been doing a bit of introspective evaluation. I have been depressed and anxious and can’t seem to rid myself of pessimism and cynicism. It’s not for lack of trying. I feel worst when unable to control my life. That’s part of the reason my morale has been suffering. I don’t feel secure and that’s important to me. I have lost confidence in my abilities, not to mention what the depression & anxiety have done to my abilities to focus and analyze things. Unfortunately, analysis is a pretty big part of my job. So it’s a viscous cycle. I worry that my job could be swept out from under me at any moment. I worry about everything. I tried to make a list but it’s much too long… I worry about everything.

Nothing I do or think or feel is worry-free. It is so overwhelming I am jumpy and on the verge of a panic attack always. It’s not humanly possible to switch it off and on at will (my manager doesn’t believe me). If it were possible, I would do it. It is not fun to always be ON. All my senses are hyper-sensitive and it’s draining; it’s physically and emotionally draining.

How do I cope? I have some healthy coping skills but I also have some unhealthy ones. Luckily, I don’t rely on drinking or drugs. The two unhealthy things I use are eating and shopping. Both have obvious negative impacts but are socially acceptable which technically doesn’t make it any better but at least there’s not a lot of judgment about my behavior.

I do do some positive things too. I am taking some time off this week. I enjoy my art. Thursday, I’m attending Sherri Haab‘s PMC class at the Portland Bead Expo. Friday I’m getting a massage. I am meeting with some of my art-friends on Sunday. Next week, I have a therapy appointment and I try to attend a support group meeting on a regular basis. The class I taught at NAMI is about over but it was a good way to help others who also have mental illness in their family which in turn helped me. I’m really happy my volunteer time is being matched by my employer, Intel.

I am working on some new healthy skills too. I am working on healthier eating habits. As the weather improves, I am determined to get more exercise. Last year I bought a new bike that doesn’t have more than ten miles on it yet.
I also have some longer term goals. I would like to write a book. I would like to simplify my life (I know that’s kind of broad).
In the meantime, I need to do some thinking about my career. Luckily, Intel is throwing new resources toward development. I have read a couple articles and have seen a trend toward matching your personal values to your career goals. I think this excerpt from the book Finding Square Holes: Discover Who You Really Are and Find the Perfect Career by Anita Houghton sums up my situation well and I realize I have a lot more reflection to do about my life and my career.

Knowing what is important to you will also, by default, help you to clarify what is not. Being more aware, more alert to the values by which you live your life, you start to question your actions, question your motives, question your feelings, and gradually the important things in your life float gently to the top, while the less important ones sink slowly to the bottom.

And when that happens, the result is… happiness.

Source: Finding Square Holes: Discover Who You Really Are and Find the Perfect Career by Anita Houghton

Music

Streaming audio isn’t what it used to be. Today, I discovered AOL Radio. Those who know me and love me will appreciate my enthusiasm for this: they have one station solely devoted to NEW WAVE and another to ’80s ALTERNATIVE! If you’re a fan of Depeche Mode, The Fixx, Erasure, The Cure, Psychedelic Furs—I could go on and on—you will love it! I know I’m giving away my age but listening to this stuff makes me feel young again. It makes my heart smile. They have an 80’s pop station too but there is a big difference. They play stuff like Michael Jackson, Phil Collins, Journey… Don’t get me wrong, I love that stuff too but it’s not the same! There’s something about that new wave/alternative music from my teen years that makes me want to sing and dance. You remember that kind of dancing I’m talking about, right? It’s funny because I was so terribly shy in high school that I wouldn’t do a lot of the normal social things everyone else did… I never went on a date or even kissed a boy until I was out of high school! Well, when I left home, I was pleasantly surprised that I could go clubbing on base and they even had “ladies night.” I could let my pent up inner party girl out and no one knew how shy I really was. No one was shocked at my behavior because, quite frankly it was 1984, everyone was having a good time. And besides that, my behavior was still quite tame in comparison. Oh, I made up for lost time but eventually, my partying days died down when I got married, and had a baby. Babies make you grow up fast. But it’s that music that brings back the memories of that care-free life of not so long ago.

Little vessels

Look at the cute little polymer pieces I made.

My friend Dawn invited me to a group she meets with and it was really a wonderful time!

I’ve been tagged

Okay, I guess it’s time for me to play along. Laurel tagged me a few days ago but since I was out of town on business, I wasn’t able to respond. Just got back today and I need a break from work so here goes. I know these aren’t the weirdest weird things but I know my mom reads my blog so I didn’t want to post anything TOO weird. Just kidding, Mom! 

Seven Weird Things about Me
by Denise

1. Tomatoes are my favorite food. I could live on them. Not the store-bought variety but the sweet, tangy goodness barely ripened on the vine, brought into the house still warm from the sun kind.
2. Growing up I was painfully shy. I am not sure how I overcame this but sometimes I still find myself in a state of panic in certain social situations.
3. My family has always called me ‘Nise or ‘Nisey.

   

4. I used to be a cat person but I developed allergies in my 20’s. I am now an avowed dog person. I love my dogs more than I like some people.
5. I grew so fast as a child, my bones ached. I have been 5’10” since about age 12. I blame this as the reason I’m so clumsy.
6. I do not tan. My skin is ultra sensitive and I can’t tolerate much direct sunlight. I am covered in freckles most of which were acquired in childhood.
7. I am extremely sensitive to noise. Sometimes noise can send me into a state of anxiety so intense, I feel I must escape at any cost.

I know I’ll probably experience 10 years of bad luck but I’m not going to tag anyone right this minute. I may do the tag part some other time. Anyway, hope you learned a thing or two about me that you didn’t know already.

Favorite artists

Tejae Floyde is offering her Secrets of the Encased Hearts class online again. I have admired her work for a while. I was a little dubious but this is totally a bargain at $45. Plus you get the instructions so you can refer back to them over when you can’t remember what you’re supposed to do. In some ways, it’s better than an in-person class.

Also, Lisa Kaus is hosting a couple workshops in May—I’ll be in Hampton, Virginia at Art & Soul!—at her studio in Portland: Let Them Eat Cake & Home Sweet Home. I found out she will be offering them again in July. If you’re interested, go to her website and sign up to be on her mailing list so you can get advanced notice. I love Lisa’s art; it’s so whimsical and feels so happy. It would be great to see some of you there in July!

My kiln should be delivered tomorrow… unfortunately, I will be in Chandler, Arizona. Fortunately, Steve will be home to accept it. Hope it makes it in one piece!

Well being

I wrote the following for my work blog but thought I’d repost here because it’s good info for all:

In the US there are pretty strict privacy (HIPAA) laws regarding health records. In addition, a diagnosis of of clinical mental illness would afford you protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act. So there shouldn’t really be any fear of your manager or the company finding out you are seeking mental health treatment.

I understand there is stigma attached to a mental health diagnosis but until we speak out and advocate otherwise, it will not change. Whatever your condition, whether cancer, clinical depression, diabetes, bipolar disorder, there should be no shame. And there should be no shame in seeking treatment.

I see a psychologist on a regular basis. It took several interviews to find the right therapist. Don’t settle for seeing someone who doesn’t share your values and with whom you don’t make a connection. You have every right to shop around for the health care provider who works for you.

And it shouldn’t be an expensive privilege to seek counseling. It is covered much the same as an office visit to the doctor (co-pay, deductible, etc.). In addition, if you participate in the flexible spending account deduction, you can use that reimbursement for those costs.

I am active in National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI). This resource is a wealth of support and information. They can help you navigate the system if you’re struggling. I co-teach a class called Family-to-Family which educates families with loved ones affected by mental illness. It helped me immensely and I would highly recommend it. No one should feel alone. There are people out there who can help. For those of you in Oregon, the Washington County affiliate is very active and has many programs that you may find helpful.

I have also found the following online resources to be very helpful:

National Institute of Mental Health
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is the largest scientific organization in the world dedicated to research focused on the understanding, treatment, and prevention of mental disorders and the promotion of mental health.

Mental Health Network
Information and tools to help you manage your stress, depression, anxiety and more.

WebMD
MayoClinic

I’ve been dealing with this for a long time and it comes and goes depending on many factors. The past year at my company has had a huge impact on my sense of well being but it’s much easier to manage stress and/or depression with the support of others. You can’t just will it away… it takes positive action!

Swaps

I am happy to say that I mailed out my fatbook pages and my altered heart on Saturday. I am now working on my By the Sea charms. They are time-consuming. Here is a sneak peek of what I’m doing. Each little bottle contains a couple tiny shells, a small bit of beach glass, and some very fine sand. I have to seal them with copper tape, solder them, add a bail and a jump ring and then package them. I only need 25 for the swap I’m in but I’m making extras so I can trade in Hampton.

I am also considering joining an altered match box swap that Tejae is hosting on her yahoo group. It looks so cool but I have so much going on right now, I don’t want to over-commit myself.